My Friend Is Pregnant, How can I Help Her?
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My Friend is Pregnant
You just got off the phone with your friend and your head is spinning. She just confided in you that she is unexpectedly pregnant. You’re not quite sure how you came across – did you sound supportive? Shocked? Did you say too much? Not enough? You weren’t expecting to hear that news and now you are left wondering what you can do to help.
One thing is certain – your friend trusted you enough to confide in you and is looking for support. Making yourself available to just sit quietly and listen to your friend is one of the best ways you can help. In the meantime, you can take the time to learn what your friend is going through, both physically and emotionally, and research what the next few weeks and months will entail. This will put you in a position to offer help in very practical ways.
Show Support and Be Positive
Your friend has so much to process as she works through all of her options and she will need to know that you are by her side no matter what. This will most likely be one of the most important decisions she will have to make in her life and one that will change her life going forward regardless of the path she chooses. Undoubtedly, she will be experiencing many different emotions and many women often feel rushed to make a decision as soon as possible. It’s best to reassure her that she has time to discuss these things with you as she weighs the pros and cons. There is no need to make a permanent decision while feeling temporary emotions.
Knowing that you are there to listen and that she doesn’t have to rush into anything will be appreciated. She may not need any unsolicited advice right now telling her what she “should” do. Respectfully ask her what she needs and how you can help her. Keep in mind that people react and process things differently than you.
Remember to remain positive, as this will show her that she is a strong and capable person and that no matter what happens, she will come out the other side of this with your support. Try not to come across as negative by divulging your personal thoughts or feelings regarding her situation. Comments such as, “I don’t think I’d be ready to have a baby right now,” or “I don’t think I could ever give my baby up for adoption,” or “How could you even consider abortion?” could do more harm than good. If she does ask for your opinion or what you would do in her situation, positively remind her that her situation belongs to her and that you have faith that she can make a decision that works for her unique situation.
It is important to remember that your role is one of support and that your friend is the one who has to live with her decision – and it’s a difficult one!
Call 410-377-2871 or Text 410-970-3897 to learn more.
Show Respect and Attend to Your Emotions
Sometimes, friends offer their opinion because they know someone close to them that has been in a similar situation. Maybe you, yourself, have been in a similar situation. While these experiences can definitely help you relate to what she is going through, it doesn’t make you the expert. Every story is different and unique and no ending is the same. Circumstances vary and people have different coping mechanisms, different belief systems and, therefore, different outcomes. Use your past experience to empathize with her, but ultimately remember that the final decision has to belong to her.
Once your friend has made her decision, it is important to show respect, especially if you don’t agree with the decision. You may wish she would reconsider because you think it isn’t the best option or you wonder how her decision will affect your friendship, but as her friend, you must respect her point of view. If you can’t, you may cause a great deal of damage to your friendship.
If you are having a strong reaction to your friends’ decision, it may be helpful for you to talk to someone else as a way to work through your feelings. Your friend’s pregnancy may bring things up for you that you didn’t realize were still an issue. Keep in mind that sharing these feelings with her may make you feel better, it won’t be helpful to her. Talk to a professional counselor, someone you trust or call Towson Women’s Care for other helpful referrals.
Practical Help
When our friends are in need, it often puts us more at ease when we can offer our help in tangible ways. Here’s the trick – provide your friend with a few specific ways you can help so that your question of “How can I help?” doesn’t go unanswered. Your friend may not exactly know what she needs help with or perhaps she feels that asking for help would be burdening you. Therefore, it is a good idea to take a few minutes to really think how you can make yourself available to her. Can you offer her a ride to a doctor appointment? Can you drop off some groceries or something for morning sickness? Could you join her on a shopping trip to pick out baby supplies if she decides to parent? Or maybe she would like a lunch date to talk things out or to just feel “normal” again. There are many ways to offer small acts of kindness and in doing so, your friend will come to know that you are part of her support system. This is all the more important if the father or her parents aren’t supportive.
If your friend needs help confirming her pregnancy with a lab pregnancy test, or would like to talk to a neutral 3rd party in a confidential setting, tell her about Towson Women’s Care. For over 40 years we have been helping women in this exact situation and our client advocates can listen to your friend’s unique situation and give her the information and tools she needs to make a decision. Once her pregnancy is confirmed, we can also offer her a free ultrasound to determine how far along she is and if the pregnancy is viable (living) and intrauterine (in the uterus). We are connected to a wide range of community resources and can make referrals to help her in many ways. If she makes the decision to carry the baby to term and parent, we have educational and material resources to help her prepare for this next stage in her life. If she decides to explore adoption, we can connect her to trusted agencies who can help her learn more about this option. We know how stressful an unexpected pregnancy can be and that’s why we simply hold her hand throughout the entire process. We make sure she has all the information and support she needs to understand all her options in a confidential and caring environment.
Resources & Referrals
Every woman has different needs. Our education program supports women before, during and after pregnancy. We offer material assistance and we make referrals to many local organizations, dependent upon each woman’s individual needs. Call us today (410) 377-2871.
Free and Confidential Support
We offer free options counseling to women in a confidential and safe environment, providing accurate information regarding all their options. We support them in a holistic fashion – body, mind and soul – and thereby empower them to make healthy life choices.
Free and Confidential Support
We offer free options counseling to women in a confidential and safe environment, providing accurate information regarding all their options. We support them in a holistic fashion – body, mind and soul – and thereby empower them to make healthy life choices.
What Our Clients Are Saying
What Our Clients Are Saying
Questions & Answers
Yes, we are not currently taking walk-ins. To make an appointment, please text us at (410) 970-3897 or call us at (410) 377-2871.
We recommend you make an appointment if you have missed a period, have any pregnancy related questions, or think you or a friend might be pregnant.
After completing paperwork, you will meet with our professionals to go over your information and a pregnancy test will be administered. With a positive pregnancy test result, we will perform an ultrasound to confirm whether or not you have a viable (living), intrauterine pregnancy.
All our services are provided free of charge.
All you need is your photo ID.
Absolutely, you can bring your boyfriend, family member or friend. We will talk with you privately first. Then provided you have given us consent to have them in the room, your guest will be able to join you.
We adhere to a strict privacy and confidentiality policy. Clients will be protected from disclosure of information that violates their right to privacy except where required by law, required for public health reasons, required to avert a threat of harm to the client or a third person, or when other circumstances may reasonably warrant such use or disclosure without prior authorization (e.g., abuse reporting, suicide/homicide prevention, etc.).
