For The Guy
She's Pregnant, Now What?
You just heard those 3 little words. No, it wasn’t “I love you” …. it was the other three little words, “I am pregnant.” This was not in your plan for yourself, your future. or for your relationship. You have so much going on in your life right now and you may be filled with so many questions, leaving you feeling overwhelmed, confused and uncertain. Keep in mind that your partner is also experiencing a rush of feelings, and it is helpful to remember that her body is also going through a number of significant hormonal changes as well. This can be a very emotional time for you both.
Acknowledge You BOTH Have Feelings
There’s no doubt that it probably took a lot for your partner to tell you she is pregnant. It may have been one of the hardest things she’s ever had to do. She probably felt extremely nervous and scared about what you might say or how you would respond. A woman often feels a huge sense of responsibility regarding an unplanned pregnancy because of everything that is happening to her body. At the same time, it can also leave men feeling a bit helpless and isolated, as if they have no place to say or feel anything. If she has chosen to include you, this means that your input is valuable to her and she is including you in this process. You are both dealing with something new and that comes with a flood of, oftentimes, conflicting emotions – shock, sadness, excitement, worry, fear, happiness, etc. Through it all, it is important to keep in mind that your reaction matters.
The shock of hearing that your partner is pregnant can leave you asking some basic questions such as, “Are you sure?” or “How did this happen?” Try your best to refrain from asking those questions, as they may leave your partner feeling challenged and misunderstood. Home pregnancy tests can pick up the pregnancy hormone once a woman misses her first period, so she may have a good idea whether she is definitely pregnant or not. However, it is understandable that you both may want confirmation of the pregnancy from medical professionals. A better question may be to ask if you could help her confirm her pregnancy at a clinic as a first step. Offer to attend the appointment with her. This will send a clear message that you are taking this seriously and that you are in this together. It is important to remember that women carry the pregnancy, so they often feel the brunt of the responsibility. Knowing that you aren’t blaming them for this unexpected news, but instead are ready to face it head on will be a huge relief.
Women can schedule an appointment with one of our client advocates if they have questions. All of our services are free of charge.
How You Can Help
This isn’t the time to keep to yourself while you think things over, though it may be tempting to do just that. We understand that your mind is swirling, so it is important that you do take a little time to clear your thoughts, do a little research to understand what your partner is going through and to then write down some ways that you can offer help in tangible ways.
Some men in this situation may be tempted to tell their partner, “Whatever you decide to do, I’ll support you.” This is also not always helpful, as it sends the message that your partner is alone in making a decision. She may also read into that and make assumptions based on your past experiences. The bottom line is to let your partner know that you respect her, you wish to be involved in this process and that you are not going to push the decisions onto her alone.
Here are some practical steps to keep you informed and involved.
- Learn about pregnancy symptoms so that you can empathize with your partner. Showing an interest in all of the changes her body is going through will tell her you are there for her and will also help you feel more included.
- Educate yourself on the stages of pregnancy and on each of the 3 pregnancy options so that you are fully equipped to make an informed decision with your partner.
- Listen to your partner when she tells you what she’s going through, how she feels at the moment, even if it contradicts with where she was a moment ago. She may want to talk one minute and not the next and sometimes she’ll want you to offer your opinion, while other times she may just need you to listen to her. Remember her body is changing rapidly so her emotions are also on a roller coaster ride.
- Communicate with her. We all have trouble opening up and talking about hard things. This is not the time to clam up or get defensive. Sometimes we all fall back on our old ways of communicating because it’s comfortable. Be mindful of the words you use and the tone in your voice and know that it is never ok to pressure her into anything. It’s helpful that you make sure you have listened first and then confirm that it is your turn to talk. But when it is your turn, try your best to share because you do have the right to share your feelings. Be sure to use “I feel” statements when discussing sensitive things, as it is less aggressive and less pushy and often leads to more open and honest discussions.
- You Both Need a Support System. There are so many things that she may need help with in the coming weeks or months. As an important member of her support system, there are tangible ways you can be of assistance, such as offering to accompany her to doctor appointments, offering her rides, bringing her food, or just simply making yourself available. It is equally important that you receive support from family and/or friends whom you trust. Having someone you can talk to will give you an outlet and allow you opportunities to talk things out to someone other than your partner.
First Thing’s First: Let’s confirm the pregnancy. Once your partner receives a lab-quality pregnancy test, she could then be eligible to receive an ultrasound to check gestational age and if the pregnancy is viable (living). These are the necessary steps that will help guide you both in your decision-making process. Our client advocates are here to help answer any questions and to discuss your options. We are here to give the confidential and comprehensive care she needs.
Lastly, Post Abortion Support: If the decision to terminate the pregnancy is made, our caring teams can offer you support as you process through that experience. Men often report feeling more isolated following an abortion and have fewer resources.
If women are considering abortion, we offer FREE pregnancy tests and ultrasounds and provide confidential counseling to provide her with all the information she needs to make an informed decision.
What Our Clients Are Saying
What Our Clients Are Saying
Questions & Answers
We recommend you make an appointment if you have missed a period, have any pregnancy related questions, or think you or a friend might be pregnant.
All our services are provided free of charge.
All you need is your photo ID.
Absolutely, you can bring your boyfriend, family member or friend. We will talk with you privately first. Then provided you have given us consent to have them in the room, your guest will be able to join you.
We adhere to a strict privacy and confidentiality policy. Clients will be protected from disclosure of information that violates their right to privacy except where required by law, required for public health reasons, required to avert a threat of harm to the client or a third person, or when other circumstances may reasonably warrant such use or disclosure without prior authorization (e.g., abuse reporting, suicide/homicide prevention, etc.).